The Rice Pot Next Door 隔壁那个饭桶 by Jiu Xiao Qi (HE)

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Rice Pot:- <figure of speech> referring to someone who eats a lot of rice.  The phrase has a negative connation as it imples a person who only eats and is incapable of doing anything else.

 

“Yo, Rice Pot next door. You ate so much of my rice, how are you going to repay me?”

“Money? I do not want money. I want you.”

 

I have finished translating the book, which you can read at the “English Translation” link below

[Ebook] [Cái thùng cơm sát vách][Translation][격벽나개반통]

 

31 Responses

  1. Melanie
    Melanie December 30, 2014 at 1:01 pm |

    Aha! She thought he was an inflatable doll? What was he doing? Standing around stiffly and grinning like an idiot to be mistaken as a doll? Oh, please, Moonblossom! Won’t you consider translating this novel so that I can laugh myself silly? 🙂

  2. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom December 31, 2014 at 1:12 am |

    His blind date was late and he dozed off in the inflatable-dolls zone while waiting for her. Still, the misunderstanding was pretty incredible but I guess they have to meet somehow. I won’t write anything until my fan-fic epilouge is done. I wish I could say I won’t read another book until my fan-fic is done but that would be too cruel. : )

  3. Melanie
    Melanie December 31, 2014 at 2:20 am |

    You mean He Zai is making an appearance soon?! That is great news! You must give Wang Yun and her lover boy Free-Floating Cloud lots of guest screen time. How many chapters will be in this fanfic?

  4. Melanie
    Melanie December 31, 2014 at 2:23 am |

    Moonblossom, maybe if you have time, you could pity me and translate the first meeting when she thought he was an inflatable doll? It must have been quite hilarious. Who was the blind date? Did she eventually show up?

  5. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom December 31, 2014 at 2:49 am |

    ok, I see what I can do, but the first few chapters, which includes the misunderstanding is pretty boring. Qiao Feng was on a blind date spree and his date was late so he found a corner to sit and doze off when Lan Shan and her friend came along and started fingering him. I ended up skipping sentences until about chapter 7 when the story started to pick up.

  6. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom December 31, 2014 at 4:42 am |

    Here you go. I have translated the author’s writing style as well, which is very much much my cup of tea *teehee!*

    This is from Chapter 1 where Lan Shan (蓝衫) and her BFF Xiao You Cai (小油菜) were at the adult exhibition.

    The exhibition comprises of several halls and the 2 ladies were at Hall D where there were many different sex toys on display. Gawking at some of the stuff, the 2 can’t help but be amazed at the lack of (lower) limits of human creativity. They could not recognize some of the things and sometimes, they could only figure out its usage after a vigorous round of brainstorming.

    Then they reached inflatable dolls section.

    Ok. This they recognize.

    Lan Shan was surprised that besides inflatable dolls, there were also non-inflatable dolls. The non-inflatable dolls were generally more expensive than their inflatable cousins.

    Ok, she learnt something new again.

    There were also some dolls that looked really real. So real in fact, they could have passed off as real people.

    Xiao You Cai pointed to a doll (in a sexy pose) at one corner and gushed indignantly; “Lan Shan, look! That doll cost RMB99,800! If someone has that kind of money to burn, why would that person need to buy this?”

    Eh? This sounds logical too…

    Lan Shan walked over to take a closer look at the doll’s boobs when another doll caught her attention.

    The doll was sitting on a chair, dressed in white shirt and brown pants. Its hair was cut very short and framed it’s face neatly. Its eyelids were lowered, as if in thought.

    This doll looked fantastically real. If not for its blank glaze, she would have thought this was a real person.

    Come to think of it, there is no way aa real person could look so pretty.
    Xiao You Cai has discovered the doll too and she shook Lan Shan’s shoulder vigorously. “It is a man doll! Aw, they actually make man dolls?”

    Xiao You Cai dragged Lan Shan towards the doll and the doll looked even better up close.

    Its skin colour was very fair – not the plasticky hue but contains a hint of natural beige. Its features were very detailed and even looked prettier up close. It has a high nose, arched brows and thick, dark lashes. Seated in the dark corner, its serenity was worthy of a masterpiece crafted stroke after meticulous stroke to achieve such perfection.

    But not matter how good it looked, it was still a fake. Coming back to reality, Lan Shan fingered her chin and quietly admired the doll.

    “Lan Shan, do you think this is a man?” Xiao You Cai was confused. Among all the beautiful dolls, why would there suddenly be a handsome man doll? Or is this meant for the female market? Hmm…

    Lan Shan did not know which wire in her brain circuit was crossed. She reached out to finger the chin of the doll and gave a leer. “It looked so pretty, it must be a toy boy!”

    Something flickered in the gaze of the “toy boy” but the 2 ladies were busy talking and missed the reaction. Curious over the doll’s sexuality, Xiao You Cai touched the front of its pants to see if she could feel anything. Because the shirt was let out instead of tucked in, it really was hard to tell if there is anything underneath with the doll seated down…

    Lan Shan fingered the doll’s chin – the feel was pretty good – and she went on to stroke its face. “I say Xiao You Cai, technology is really advanced these days. Its face is even warm! Why not you buy one of these back and use it to party till dawn? How does that sound?”

    Xiao You Cai was busy with her exploration. “Let me first confirm if it has a ‘handle’. It would not do to cart a female doll home!”

    Lan Shan: “That’s easy. Why don’t you simply take off his pants and check?”

    Truth be told, this thought had crossed Xiao You Cai’s mind but it was so embarrassing to undress a doll in public. Even if it is a doll, it should still have its pride. Nonetheless, she took a quick look around and confirmed that there were indeed no one around.

    Actually, there were supposed to be some sales assistants. But they have all left to gawk at some starlet who arrived…

    Xiao You Cai was feeling indignant over the lack of professionalism and seriously thought about pulling off the doll’s pants when she suddenly heard a male voice say “How could you do this?!” The voice seemed to come from nearby, like it came from the doll….

    Xiao You Cai was very excited! “Lan Shan, look! The doll can even coo! Ha, ha, ha! It can actually make sounds!”

    Lan Shan was so shocked she could not reply. Xiao You Cai only heard it “coo” but she saw the ‘doll’ moved! ‘It’ was trying to avoid her hand!

    And the eyes! She could suddenly see the life in them. In fact, ‘its’ brows were furrowed and ‘it’ was looking at her with censure.

    No matter how advance technology is, there is no way it can achieve such a high degree of reality.

    What kind of a devil is this…

    Said Xiao You Cai: “Lan Shan, I have decided. I shall let you have the honor of removing its pants!”

    Lan Shan could only think of running away. But before she could gather her wits, she saw ‘it’, no, it should be ‘him’… stood up. Because of the sudden movement, the chair he was sitting on was pushed back and gave off a scratching sound.

    His face was black like thunder and Xiao You Cai fell backwards on the floor in fright.

    Helping her up, Lan Shan quickly gushed out an apology. “ We are sorry! We are sorry! We should not have interrupted you. Please… continue to shop around. Hee.hee…”

    Finished she dragged Xiao You Cai away.

  7. Melanie
    Melanie December 31, 2014 at 10:59 pm |

    Haha! That was hilarious! Thanks for translating, Moonblossom. It’s a bit far-fetched that she would mistake a live person for an inflatable doll once she sees him up close, but it’s a novel and funny way of having the leads meet for the first time. 🙂 So what does he do in retaliation later on that day? Why was she at an adult convention, anyway? And why was he meeting a blind date at such an odd location (adult convention)? Are there any other cute and funny moments between the two?

  8. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom January 1, 2015 at 9:09 am |

    I’m not sure why they were all at the exhibition (other than it being a plot device) but i think the excuse is both parties wanted to check out the newest exhibition in their city.

    Qian Feng’s family is desperate for him to find a girlfriend (or risk him turning gay) so he started a blind dating at their request. But because he is so proud n ambiguous in his answers, all his blind dates – inc the girl he met that day – tend to write him off when they assume that he is not rich or ambitious. Funny thing was, he was actually using these blind dates to test the accuracy of a match-making programme he wrote, so he was more confused n unsatisfied when a girl agree to a second date since his program indicates that both are not suitable matches.

    He lost track of Lan Shan n Xiao You Cai after they left, but he found them near the exit whacking each other with a fake sex toy made of foam. It wasn’t ladylike and Qiao Feng used his handphone to hijack the giant TV screen to telecast their unladylike battle. Lan Shan n Xiao You Cai were very embarrassed to be caught on screen n both found themselves scrambling for cover once more that day.

  9. misae
    misae January 3, 2015 at 3:44 am |

    Thanks Moonblossom for the translation!

  10. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom January 5, 2015 at 3:06 am |

    I gave some thoughts to Melanie’s words about translating the book but it is not an easy task because there is too much word play which may not have an English equivalent. But I like the book because of the exact same reason and because of the humorous style in which it is written. Below is one example of the light-hearted writing style which is not too difficult to translate in the same context:

    Qiao Feng logged into his family chat group which consist of his dad (Da Wu), his mom (Xiao Qiao), his elder brother (Wu Wen), and himself. His parents are college professors while his brother is a businessman, and all are working at different cities at the moment. The last few entries were all from his brother.

    Wu Wen: Dad is away. Mom is away. Now even younger bro is not around …

    Wu Wen: Qiao Feng, when are you coming back?

    Wu Wen: Old Wu (Dad), didn’t you say you will be back during the school hols. It is now close to the hols!==

    Wu Wen: Dear Mom, there are too many cultural songs out there for you to study, do come home for a break…

    No response.

    Had he been in a better state, Qiao Feng would probably show Wu Wen some brotherly concern. But his mind is now quite muddled with thoughts of Lan Shan, so he posted: “There is a girl whom I think I like.”

    Wu Wen: I’m glad you say “girl” and not “guy”.

    Da Wu: I’m glad you say “girl” and not “guy”.

    Qiao Feng: ….

    Wu Wen: Old Wu (Dad), so you finally decided to surface? You did not respond to a single one of my post but responded immediately to Qiao Feng – and copied my answer to boot? Tell me the truth, am I adopted? Where did you find me? Quick, send me back to my rightful owner~

    Da Wu: You want my response? Try saying you have fallen in love too.

    Da Wu: And I did not copy your answer. That is really my sentiments.

    Qiao Feng was feeling a bit miffed. So both dad and bro suspected that he is not straight….

    Qiao Feng: What do you guys think I should do next?

    Xiao Qiao: I’m glad you say “girl” and not “guy”.

    Da Wu: …

    Wu Wen: …

    Qiao Feng: Mom!

    Xiao Qiao: I’m so sorry, the internet connection is a little slow here. Hey son!

    Qiao Feng: Yup.

    Wu Wen: Here.

    Da Wu: Dearest! Hug~

    Xiao Qiao: All irrelevant people, please move aside! Qiao Feng, can you please tell us more? Who are her parents, do we know them? Do you have a picture of her? How is her character? How far have you progressed with her?

    Qiao Feng: I think I like her.

    Xiao Qiao: And then?

    Qiao Feng: That’s all.

    Xiao Qiao: …

    Xiao Qiao: I have told you while you were in college and I am telling you again now – stop burying yourself in books and go find a girlfriend. But do you listen to me? And now you finally found someone whom you like, why are you not doing anything? Is such a passive person really my son?

    Da Wu. My dear, don’t get angry. Mwuah! Mwuah! (づ ̄3 ̄)づ╭~

    Wu Wen: Your Excellency, this is already a big step forward for Qiao Feng. I think the biggest question now is – does he really like the girl and does the girl likes him in return. Am I right Qiao Feng?

    Qiao Feng: Yes.

    Xiao Qiao: Ok. Answer my following questions honestly. One, do you always feel that you want to see her?

    Qiao Feng: Yes.

    Xiao Qiao: Two, does your heart beat faster in her presence and that such a phenomenon had never happened on another girl?

    Qiao Feng: Yes.

    Xiao Qiao: When you are with her, you felt like you are full of energy? Even if you are a lethargic before, you felt like you have swallowed the son once you have met?

    Qiao Feng: Yes.

    Xiao Qiao: Are you able to ignore the difference between your IQ, and not care that she scores at least 60 marks in that damn dating test of yours?

    Qiao Feng: Let me think…. although it is a bit regretful to say, yes. And yes.

    Xiao Qiao: Are willing to cook for her? If she says she felt like eating something, you will try your best to cook it for her?

    Qiao Feng: Yes. Yes.

    Xiao Qiao: Congratulations son! You have fallen in love (^^*)

    Da Wu: Light the firecrackers! Ring the bell!

    Wu Wen: Applause! Start the song and dance!

    Qiao Feng: Why do you guys seem more excited than me?

    Xiao Qiao: Can’t be bothered with your last question. I am more interested to meet the girl whom won my son’s heart. Wait… she is human and not a cyborg right?

    Xiao Qiao: Why do I feel this is a possibility? Σ( ° △ °|||)︴

    Wu Wen I thought you are referring to Lan Shan initially but now I’m not sure… Quick Qiao Feng, say something!

    Da Wu: Wifey, I hate you. I too thought he is referring to Lan Shan, but now… Qiao Feng, roger back!

    Qiao Feng: Not a cyborg, I am referring to Lan Shan.

    Da Wu: Light the firecrackers! Ring the bell!

    Wu Wen: Applause! Start the song and dance!

    Xiao Qiao: Who is Lan Shan and why have you guys met her when I have not. Did I miss something?

    Qiao Feng: It is a long story which I can explain some other time. Right now, I only wished to know how to let her know about my feelings. Mom, Dad, Bro, please give me some suggestions.

    Silence descended on the chat group and Qiao Feng thought that his family is giving his question serious thought. But after two minutes, his curiosity got the better of him: Have you guys logged off?

    Xiao Qiao: Can you promise that you will not get angry if I speak my mind?

    Qiao Feng: No I won’t. What do you want to say Mom?

    Xiao Qiao: I am really, really looking forward to see how an alien woos a girl without the help of earthlings like us.

    Wu Wen: +1

    Da Wu: +2

    Qiao Feng: Come on guys…

    Xiao Qiao: Go for it son! Don’t worry, we will always be behind you, lending advice when necessary.

    Da Wu: Whatever Wifey says!

    Wu Wen: Your Excellency is right!

    Qiao Feng: What if I messed up?

    Xiao Qiao: Don’t worry, that will not happen. Remember to send us a daily report like the weather report and inform us of your progress. We will clear the way for you before you hit any major glitch.

  11. decembi
    decembi January 5, 2015 at 11:27 am |

    Hahaha I love all the comments. Moonblossom, I was too busy to post here but I read the book immediately after your recommendation and I LOVE IT – 4.5 stars! ♡♡♡ I do hope you translate this heeheehee. It’s quite long though haha.

    Also, I think he was thinking of some problem and concentrated so much he just sat down at the inflatable doll section without noticing! Hahaha.

  12. MoonBlossom
    MoonBlossom January 5, 2015 at 2:33 pm |

    I can’t believe I gave the lowest rating (so far). Well, glad you guys enjoyed the book. No, will not translate because I think a lot of the humour will be lost during translation. But it is a nice book despite the slow start. I like all the side characters including the irritating the ex-girlfriend since we get to see her embarrassed nearly every time she made an entrance. Wu Wen, Boss, even his pet cat are all nicely thought out characters.

  13. Melanie
    Melanie January 6, 2015 at 9:42 am |

    Thanks for the additional translation, Moonbloosom! I found that online family chat hilarious, especially when the mother’s message got delayed and then just randomly popped up out of nowhere while the rest of the family was already further along in the conversation! 🙂 So how do the older brother and father know Lan Shan? Please do translate more scenes if you have time and feel in the mood. Reading the excerpts sure beats trying to sit through a Google Translate session.

  14. decembi
    decembi January 6, 2015 at 9:55 am |

    Can’t rmb how the father knows Lan Shan. But the brother bought a flashy sports car from Lan Shan (she sells cars) and that’s how they met!

    I loooooove the cat. She reminds me of my own pet hahahaha. The cat is sooooo queen like, and the family was amazed that the cat likes Lan Shan cos the cat ignores all of them.

    I think the novel will still be funny in English haha!

  15. Melanie
    Melanie January 6, 2015 at 10:05 am |

    Thanks for the answer, decembi. I think the novel will be funny in English, too, but I may think so because I want someone to translate it. 🙂 I’m also easily amused and it doesn’t take much to make me laugh. 🙂

    Hey, Moonbloosom, maybe you can translate Two Ex-Husbands On One Stage if you don’t think Rice Pot Next Door is funny enough! (I figure if I ask around enough times, someone will take pity on me and just translate that novel. 😛 )

  16. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom January 6, 2015 at 10:08 am |

    Qiao Feng’s brother(Wu Wen) bought 2 cars – 1 for himself, and 1 for Qiao Feng– from Lan Shan. Qiao Feng called to cancel his car order subsequently and caused Lan Shan to be investigated by her company. When Lan Shan contacted Wu Wen to find out what happened, she found out then that Wu Wen’s was Qiao Feng’s brother.

    Lan Shan met Qiao Feng’s dad when the latter dropped by to visit his son one weekend. As Lan Shan was Qiao Feng’s neighbor and the later was out running an errand, Lan Shan offered to let Dad wait at her house instead and offered him tea.

    Because of the use of symbols and wordplay, I think you will have a headache trying to understand Google translate! : )

  17. azurro4cielo
    azurro4cielo January 7, 2015 at 2:08 pm |

    Moonbloosom, will you consider to translate this novel? I think many people hoping you to take this project (at least those comment in here, included me XD XD XD XD ).

  18. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom January 8, 2015 at 12:59 am |

    Hi azurro4cielo, will keepyour comments in mind.
    I the type who would usually do one thing at a time and right now, I’m working on long-overdue fanfic for myself and Melanie. Will see how things go after that.

  19. Melanie
    Melanie January 10, 2015 at 12:06 pm |

    Can’t wait for your fanfic, Moonblossom! I know it will be excellent. 🙂 Do you have a title for it yet? But can I be greedy and keep hoping that you may consider picking up Rice Pot Next Door as your next translation project? 🙂

  20. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom January 10, 2015 at 11:03 pm |

    Hi Melanie / azurro4cielo / Peanuts,
    I will translate this book. Check out my blog at cloudmanor.wordpress.com starting from Feb 15. I will summarize the first few chapters which I do not find interesting and will start from the part when they became neighbours.

    Insanity stucks again. : )

  21. serendipity
    serendipity February 6, 2015 at 8:24 pm |

    If only I could find myself a Qiao Feng…. such an adorable character. he’s definitely one of my favorites! Lan Shan, for me, was a not bad character. But still not as awesome as Qiao Feng. I love how the love triangle never truly existed and how lan shan like ignores her boss’s feelings.

  22. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom February 9, 2015 at 12:57 am |

    serendipity: If only I could find myself a Qiao Feng…. such an adorable character. he’s definitely one of my favorites! Lan Shan, for me, was a not bad character. But still not as awesome as Qiao Feng. I love how the love triangle never truly existed and how lan shan like ignores her boss’s feelings.

    Although I like him at the ex-bf wedding and at the pool challenge, he really won me over when he got heart-broken over their star gazing trip. And the cockroach software – last nail in the coffin for me. Which part do you like most?

  23. serendipity
    serendipity February 13, 2015 at 7:46 pm |

    I think his cats name is schrodinger!!! It’s such a nerdy cute and kinda ironic name for a cat! Did anyone else think this was adorbs? 一恩兒

  24. Cath
    Cath March 21, 2015 at 6:16 am |

    serendipity:
    I think his cats name is schrodinger!!! It’s such a nerdy cute and kinda ironic name for a cat! Did anyone else think this was adorbs? 一恩兒

    Chemistry in a book forum???!!!!

  25. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom March 22, 2015 at 3:27 am |

    Male lead is supposedly an associate professor in quantum physics. Mentions of theories here n there goes with the territory.

    Cath: Chemistry in a book forum???!!!!

  26. Serendipity
    Serendipity March 23, 2015 at 7:37 pm |

    Moonblossom:
    Male lead is supposedly an associate professor in quantum physics. Mentions oftheories here n there goes with the territory.

    Lols… I thought he was a chemistry professor… but my Chinese is utter crap…. especially when I comes to complicated words like science…. lols when he started spewing out science stuff, I just skimmed….

    恩儿

  27. Snow berries
    Snow berries June 4, 2015 at 2:26 pm |

    Hi there..finished this book sometime ago but decide to add a comment here so that higher chance someone else might read it too…..the story remind me vaguely of a “Poison tongue Prince Charming” by mi bao. love nerdy guy…and Qiao Feng is so funny…saying funny things with a straight face…beautiful girl, handsome guy combo…love his ever supporting family too…just to add, Lan Shan is 3 years older than our Qiao Ban Zhu…. But cos he is a genius, he can out smart her in almost everything..I don’t think this is the author best book..but it is still a recommended read for the comedy.

  28. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom August 26, 2015 at 8:26 am |

    Hi Hamster! I have finished translating this book so can you help me change its status to “Completed” in the translation page? Thanks a lot!

  29. hamster428
    hamster428 August 27, 2015 at 2:29 pm |

    Done!

  30. serendipity
    serendipity November 19, 2015 at 11:46 pm |

    i think this one is one of my favorites. I keep coming back to it when im depressed.

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