Let Me Look at You 许我向你看 by 辛夷坞 Xin Yi Wu (OE)


Han Shu has successfully forgotten completely many details of that day. His memory seems to to have been blocked by an eraser, quietly erasing fragments of what he is afraid to recall, leaving specks of dust on the floor. Only one indelible scene is still vivid  – she stood in the dock and he sat in the audience . Han Shu did not dare to look at her eyes, but hoping that she will glance at him at least once. But she did not and he knew not even one stare.

There is another man in Jue Nian’s heart. She firmly believes that he has just closed his eyes. Many years later, she had a dream that the man finally opened his eyes. He smiled at her and then she cried. Every year the pomegranate tree situated on top of the 521 steps will bloom with the same red glowing flowers. HS and JN has been carved on the tree. So who will accompany who to see the tree?

[Audiobook] [Ebook] [Cho anh nhìn về em 1 and 2][Audiobook]


123 Responses

  1. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 5:39 am |

    Monday is Labor Day in the US so off day for most ppl so I spent the entire day reading Mirage (when I should’ve been working on an essay ><). The author's writing style is still very good, similar to Eventually Lost Youth. The problem is that the plot in Mirage is too thin for my liking.

    Currently moving onto 许我向你看, which will be my 4th book of this author. So far I'm @ ch. 11, and there's so much good angst already. It opens up with the main guy having a high position in the gov't. He's sort of like a corruption investigator and comes from a powerful, wealthy background. One day, he accidentally meets the main girl who is trying to rebuild her life after spending some years in prison. [After reading about perfect heroines, it's really refreshing to have someone who has a murky past.] It turns out our main couple had met 11 years earlier as teens, and I've read spoilers that suggest something had happened back then. Now the main girl is living with a 10 yrs. old little girl. The main girl treats him with complete indifference while he thinks the little girl is their child.

    This story is long so I probably will have to put it off due to school.

  2. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 5:48 am |

    I know abt this book. Wow, sound interesting & suspenseful. Happy ending rite? Oh, I also wanna read. I’ll read with u, haha…

  3. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 5:49 am |

    Hey, I am supposed to jump back into ancient novel & you are tempting me & I can’t resist you:P

  4. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 6:02 am |

    Yes, happy ending. So far, I’m enjoying it a lot. There’s humor that’s usually found in her books. The good thing is that immediately as the story begins, there’s a lot of angst and a big mystery about what had happened in the past btw. the main couple. This is different than Eventually Lost Youth which takes a bit of building up for the plot and Mirage in which nothing really happens until near the end.

    Don’t think I can finish this though since it’s very long. Unfortunately will prob need to put it off until school’s done.

  5. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 6:11 am |

    Hey who she ends up with? The son of a killer, Wu Yue or the son of the Chief Inspector, Han Shu?

  6. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 6:13 am |

    Yes, happy ending.So far, I’m enjoying it a lot.There’s humor that’s usually found in her books.The good thing is that immediately as the story begins, there’s a lot of angst and a big mystery about what had happened in the past btw. the main couple.This is different than Eventually Lost Youth which takes a bit of building up for the plot and Mirage in which nothing really happens until near the end.

    Don’t think I can finish this though since it’s very long.Unfortunately will prob need to put it off until school’s done.

    Who is the kid’s dad? Haha, I am too excited. Maybe better u don’t give me spoiler so I’ll ship whoever I like.

  7. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 4, 2012 at 6:17 am |

    Hey who she ends up with? The son of a killer, Wu Yue or the son of the Chief Inspector, Han Shu?

    U both are bad influence. Im reading this too. I think i would prefer Han Shu because it’ll be more angst. Someone like that with a girl who has records of going to prison.

    Do u know where there is mp3 for this peanuts? I only find flv sites.

  8. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 6:23 am |

    The main guy is Han Shu. I’ve read some spoilers. Don’t think the little girl is his. Could be wrong though since I’ve just started the story. The little girl is truly adorable though. It’s really sad that she has no idea who her parents are so she keeps imagining that they’ll show up one day to get her.

  9. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 6:36 am |

    Hahaha, I know Chancy will kill me for posting this but since Lidge started talking abt it so might as well post it. Ha, turned out that naughty Chancy has already set her eyes on this book:P Once I find out how awesome Eventually Lost Youth is, I searched for all the audiobooks I can get of this author. Unfortunately this is the last audiobook:(

  10. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 6:36 am |

    This story opens with a big oomph and some major angst to pull the reader in immediately. So far, I really like the main girl a lot. She’s trying hard to survive, esp. with having to live with the prison record and taking care of a little girl. What I love about her is that she doesn’t seem to have any bitterness about her current difficult life, but she’s not some annoying Pollyanna either. I’m at the part where Han Shus apologizes to her about whatever he had done in the past, and she just calmly says, “All right, I forgive you.” Without any bitterness and with a finality that indicates she wants to move on. If she keeps on being this cool, she might be one of my favorite female characters.

  11. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 6:43 am |

    Compared to Lost Youth, Mirage and another one I’ve read called 原来你还在这里, this seems to be the most interesting so far. As for the author’s other books that you can’t find audio for, I think they either have a sad or open ending.

  12. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 6:50 am |

    Oh no, then it is better there is no audio books for them so I won’t have heart attack:P Wah 75 chapters !!! I better have some self-ctrl & wait for u to start this book. If I start now I’ll vomit blood due to lack of sleep & being overly excited & angsy, lol.

  13. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 6:54 am |

    Hey Chancy, the download link I attached is for MP3 files.

  14. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 7:56 am |

    gahhh, someone pls kill me
    I can’t find any more translation after ch. 19. And just when it’s getting good too. The main couple finally meet again as teenagers!!!!!♥♥♥ ahhhhh, the suspense!!!
    ok, now a part of me is grateful that I can’t read on even if I want to since I have to concentrate on school anyway.
    but gahhhhhhh~~~

  15. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 12:18 pm |

    Oh, my poor Lucy. I’ll summarise for you once I start this book & get to that part. Since it is fated that you can’t read anymore, be a good girl & do your assignment:P Stop tempting Chancy & me or else she will ban us from coming to the bar, haha……..just kidding.

    Hey, I checked out all of this author’s book & only 1 book has bad ending. To make you feel better, I’ll summarise for you:

    1) 致我们终将逝去的青春 – I just fnished this book. Quite satisfied with the happy ending for my LJ gege & Wei Wei but I kind of feel sorry for CXJ. Oh, I am so soft hearted, lol. Btw in 山月不知心底事, CXJ is mentioned that he has married the rich girl who is a lesbian.

    2) 原来你还在这里 – I know you’ve read this but I can’t find an audiobook:( I like story where their love starts young, so sweet. I hope some readers will pick up this book soon. Last resort, I’ll copy & paste & get google to read to me:(

    3)晨昏 (Twilight) – Ji Ting who is cautious by nature lives in the university teachers floor where his father works. He encounters Zhi Yee & Zhi Ann, the two sisters. Zhi Yee has a crush on Ji Ting but he happens to fall in love with Zhi Ann. Later, Zhi Ann’s birth secret is revealed & she ran away. Ji Ting went to look for her & the two come together. But the parents object. After some struggles, they finally ended up together. The ending is a bit hazy & the plot is rather weak.

    Continued below…..

  16. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 1:03 pm |

    4) 许我向你看 – Hehe, I read all the spoilers & know the whole story. This is to prevent me from starting this book anytime soon:P This is one of her better book so I am glad there is an audiobook. Yeh, happy ending

    5) 山月不知心底事 – Xiang Yuen likes Ye Qian Ze since childhood but he moved away with his parents. Ye Qian Ze’s brother, Ye Yun likes Xiang Yuen since young and later also moved away when the parents come back for him. After Xiang Yuen’s parents passed away, Ye Qian Ze’s parents helped her to complete her university study, Ye Qian Ze falls in love with his adopted sister Ye Ling. Later the business is in decline so Ye Qian Ze’s parents urge him and Xiang Yuen to get married. The business under Xiang Yuen management improves but the couple marriage is in trouble. Then Qian Ze had an affair with Yuan Siew. He did not realize Yuan Siew collaborated with outsiders pretending to be kidnapped to cheat his money. Unknowly he willingly become the hostage instead of Yuan Siew, so the kidnappers blackmail Xiang Yuen. She condemns their behavior & didn’t pay the ransom. Then Ye Yun supports & show concern for her for 4 yrs & they got together. Don’t like the storyline. Qian Ze is a jerk. Ye Yun sounds weak & Xiang Yuen is the long suffering heroine:(

    6)我在回忆里等你 (I’ll Wait for you in my Memory) – This book seems to have a sad ending so stay away:P Someone committed sucide, someone flee to US & someone had an accident & in a coma so continue to live in past memories.

    7)浮世浮城 – You have read this book. Although it doesn’t sound good, I’ll still listen to the audiobook to support my C gege, heehee…

    Now, I know why only 3 books by this author have been picked up by the readers. Bcos the others are bad except the one your read which is number 2.

  17. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 1:03 pm |

    Lost Youth is well-written, but I had a hard time identifying with ZW. She got dumped by 2 great guys and her love life was rocky for awhile, but in the end, she still got her prince charming.

    On the other hand, I’ve come to love the main girl in Allow Me. She grows up in a difficult circumstance rejected by her parents, but she’s not bitter. Instead, she ends up developing a really cool imagination. She’s optimistic despite the hardships in her life but not some annoying Mary Sue. It’s also brave of her to become friends with the son of a killer, who everyone shuns. Cracks me up that she’s addicted to wuxia novels.

    Stayed up until 3am until I literally couldn’t read anymore since there’s no more translation so had to do that annoying thing called sleep. The feel of this book is similar to 原来你还在这里. In both stories, the main guy has an unhealthy obsession with the main girl which starts in their youth. Allow Me is much better though b/c 原来你还在这里 only revolves around the main guy’s obsession, from what I can remember. On the other hand, more things happen in Allow Me such as the mysterious little girl and a complicated past between the main couple which also seems to include her best friend. Lots of good angst in this story!!♥♥

  18. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 1:10 pm |

    Sorry, to clarify, when I said ZW got dumped by 2 great guys, I meant that the guys appear great only on the surface: good looks, smart, good job, etc. Their personalities leave a lot to be desired, esp. CXZ. Hope that makes sense. Can’t think straight in the morning.

  19. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 1:16 pm |

    I feel Allow Me is an improved version of 原来你还在这里. It’s like the angst I wanted in 原来你还在这里 but didn’t get, I’m getting in Allow Me.

  20. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 1:25 pm |

    Hey, I’ve modified my comments for her other books. As far as I can see only Youth & this book are worth listening. Btw what should the title be? Allow or Let or Permit me to look at you?


    She likes Wu Yue & Han Shu likes her since childhood. So angst all the way:)

  21. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 4, 2012 at 1:53 pm |

    Yah, I don’t think they are so great also. They are both selfish. One is a coward & the other a social climber. But they are eligible men. So I don’t mind getting dumped by them if I end up marrying a prince, wahaha:P What I find unrealistic is these 2 eligible guys come back for her. Not one but 2. But I need it to be a bit more Cinderella or else more crying.

  22. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm |

    Thanks for the info on the books, peanuts. Can’t believe CXZ married the lesbian. Makes sense though since he only loves ZW but can’t commit to her due to his ambitions so might as well marry the best catch he can find. I don’t feel sorry for him since he digs his own grave.

    There’s no audio for 原来你还在这里, but I don’t think you’ll miss much if you have access to Allow Me. Both stories are similar in that the main guy carries an unhealthy obsession for the main girl. The main guy comes from a wealthy background while the main girl is poor and has an aloof personality. Allow Me is like an improved version both in plot and characters. There’s more twists and complications in Allow Me and the main guy/girl are more relatable whereas 原来你还在这里 just revolves around the main guy’s obsession.

    Haven’t read 晨昏 but did check out the ending. Felt like open ending to me, which I can’t stand b/c I need closure.

    Think I’ll skip 山月不知心底事. I can’t stand it when the husband has an affair. LOL at the main girl for not paying the ransom. She sounds like a cool person. Will skip 我在回忆里等你 too. I read reviews in which some people were haunted at how these 2 books turned out so I don’t think I’ll give them a try in the near future.

  23. lidge
    lidge September 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm |

    I think either Allow, Let, or Permit is OK. The title is coming from HS’s point of view and carries a sad connotation because he’s asking for the main girl’s forgiveness.

  24. chancy426
    chancy426 September 4, 2012 at 11:44 pm |

    I need a completed novel to marathon, so I started this one.

    Very interesting that this story seems to focus on the main guy’s POV, well at least for now it is.

    I like Xiao Bei (the 2nd female?) she seems to be someone I will like till the end, hopefully she doesn’t become the annoying 2nd female type of character. Like her interactions with Han Shu, they are suppose to be dating, but I feel that they are more “哥兒們” (Brothers).

  25. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 5, 2012 at 12:12 am |

    Oh, you are starting this one means I gonna start also so we can discuss abt it with lidge:) I went to mookie’s blog to rant & rave on Eventually Lost Youth with her. I’ve to kiss goodbye to my beauty sleep:( Anyway I’ll try to take it slower this time. Will start on Fri nite so even if I marathon, I’ve the weekend to fall back on. Pls transfer some of the comments on this book in Mirage to here, thanks. I like the names of the characters in this book, sound different:)

  26. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 5, 2012 at 2:58 am |

    Peanuts u tried listening yet? I like the guy voice, but the girl voice leaves much to desired. A little old compared to the guy’s voice.

  27. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 5, 2012 at 3:44 am |

    I am at the beginning where the girl hasn’t come out yet. You mean the female narrator’s voice is old? Yah, rather sharp & sound like aunty. The guy’s voice is nice. Seems like the aunty speaks the most:( But at least the male voice is good. If A’Shou is the female’s voice, it’ll be perfect. I think I am spoilt by Amy & cxt8 audiobooks.

    I think bcos I read all the spoilers, I feel bored. Why I don’t feel angsty like Lidge?

    Oh no, I fast fwd & heard the girl’s voice. It is the same as the narrator:(

  28. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 5, 2012 at 4:05 am |

    Ull get use to it, by than it’ll be alright. Always good to train ur ears to be more easy listening.

    I find it getting addictive once the female lead and the male lead start having interactions. Ep 7? He’s such a bad stalker for a prosecutor! Did u get spoiled as to who the kid’s parents are? I want it to be the main couple. If u know who spoil me on that too.

  29. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 5, 2012 at 4:12 am |

    Ok, I’ll be patient. I was thinking of stopping my download, hehe…
    The kid’s parents are Wu Yue & the girl’s best friend. You want to know why the girl went to jail:P?

  30. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 5, 2012 at 4:28 am |

    Ok, I’ll be patient. I was thinking of stopping my download, hehe…
    The kid’s parents are Wu Yue & the girl’s best friend. You want to know why the girl went to jail:P?

    nope Im fine just knowing who the kid’s parents are. That’s the only thing i was anxious to know.

  31. lidge
    lidge September 5, 2012 at 4:48 am |

    Sorry you’re not enjoying this, peanuts 🙁
    Maybe b/c you’ve read all the spoilers so it’s not as angsy since you know what will happen…lol. Also, if you don’t like the reading voices, that can make it hard to continue listening. Don’t force yourself. Just move on something else if you don’t like this one^^

    This story is clicking with me though. Has all the elements I love: funny/cool main girl, stalkerish/wealthy main guy, cute kiddo, childhood infatuations, love triangle(?)/love square(?), reunion of the main couple after some years, a dark secret in the past, etc.

    I’m currently stuck at when she goes to the city to ask her parents for money for the school fees. She meets HS on the bus, and he mistakenly thinks she’s following him home. The kind soul typing the translation is currently busy so not sure when she’ll update, unfortunately.

  32. lidge
    lidge September 5, 2012 at 4:56 am |

    Have you read this book 温暖的弦?

    Do you know the author?

  33. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 5, 2012 at 5:01 am |

    Author is 安宁.

    How abt this book 良言写意? Author is 木浮生. This one is on revenge. I like this kind of story, haha…Heehee, I am testing out radio drama. They sound quite good but don’t know the stories.

  34. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 5, 2012 at 5:02 am |

    Its by An Ning (安宁).

  35. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 5, 2012 at 5:05 am |

    Let me know if u find something good. I need some good bed time stories. Last two nights I’ve been stuck falling asleep on that fireworks novel. I still don’t really know.what’s happening. Will try my third attempt tonight.

  36. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 5, 2012 at 5:08 am |

    I tut you are marathoning this book. I finished Eventually Youth last nite. Quite satisfied with the ending but feel flat except suddenly feel sad for CXJ. Don’t know what to listen tonight. I need something exciting, haha..

  37. lidge
    lidge September 5, 2012 at 5:09 am |

    Sorry, couldn’t find any translations through Google so probably not.

  38. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 5, 2012 at 5:13 am |

    Both books also not translated to Viet? Gee, this doesn’t sound good. Never mind, I’ll give them a try.Wish me luck that I don’t vomit blood, haha…I checked chinese website. Seem like these 2 books are well read but the score is average.

  39. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 5, 2012 at 8:27 am |

    Hey, I think I’ve sort of finished all the best modern audio books:( The one I found are either audio books with crappy stories or good stories with crappy audio books:( Also, those radio dramas in tuduo are really good but too short like a movie. They are rather different from audio books.

    I don’t mind paying if cxt8 will do good modern books. A fair number of those modern audio books are really bad in term of storylines & voices. I wonder why they choose those horrible stories when there are so many good books with no audiobooks, cry cry.

    I gonna listen to this bcos this beats some of those I heard. Wanna vomit blood, haha..I heard one with the male voice reading the female part:( At least aunty sounds better than a male:(((

  40. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 5, 2012 at 9:44 pm |

    Lidge, have u read 破月 (poyue:breaking the moon) by 凌晨? Its ancient/fantasy. I just realize that the library by my university has Chinese novels. Thought the name was interesting.

  41. lidge
    lidge September 5, 2012 at 11:56 pm |

    Googled but didn’t find anything so prob not.
    If your library is part of interlibary loan, you can check the online catalog to see what books are available.

  42. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 5, 2012 at 11:59 pm |

    Hehe i was just about to ask about that too. They sisnt have much on and its easier to search than look with my eyes.

  43. raini
    raini September 6, 2012 at 3:23 am |

    lol Are you reading this story peanuts? haha or saving it??

    I am really liking this story so far, but it actually took me some time to warm up to it. I partly blame it on the intro it was so emo sounding. Violin music really deflates me lol. But that’s just me being unreasonable. It’s actually pretty alright with Zhu Xiao Bei being the comic relief and Han Su sometimes does strange things that make me laugh.

    It’s kind of weird to that a girl is narrating but obviously the story follows Han Su who is a guy. I think this will make me extra like Han Su though, since he hogs most of the ear time. His actions are so cute and random lol. Bad stalker and skip to conclusion/wannabe father. I wonder how disappointed he will be when he finds out the main girl is actually not lying when say that the little girl really hasn’t got anything to do with him. Still think they will be a cute pair.

    The big mystery makes me want to tear my hair out but I’ll be patient. I keep wanting to think Han Su was only doing what he is supposed to as his duty as a prosecutor, but obviously it’s not just that. All the angst is coming from this incident so gonna take some time milking it all out *sigh*

  44. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 6, 2012 at 3:34 am |

    After so many positive feedbacks, I gonna marathon it this weekend:) I don’t dare to start now becos I need to sleep:)

  45. raini
    raini September 6, 2012 at 3:59 am |

    the guy’s voice is lovely hehe. just fyi

  46. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 6, 2012 at 4:02 am |

    Yah, I heard but that woman sounds like his mum, haha….

  47. raini
    raini September 6, 2012 at 4:13 am |

    eh… pity but i can’t defend her. I got used to her though *sigh*

  48. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 7, 2012 at 5:13 am |


    Wallace is Han Shu. Must start this book immeidately tonight:P Btw, I think I am not really a Wallace fan bcos I’ve never seen all these clips b4:( Some director should adapt this drama & cast Wallace as Han Shu. I am 100% sure he’ll be awesome:) It beats being a rapist in Chatters:P

  49. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 7, 2012 at 5:55 am |

    I think I’ve reached where Lidge left off at. Her wuxia-ness is very funny. Really dislike her parents and aunt. Better off giving her the money and let her manage on her own. Im hoping we hop back into the present soon. Realize Im not a fan of recalling about the past. Seems like have a few more years of recaping.

  50. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 7, 2012 at 6:10 am |

    Yeh, we gonna be faster than Lidge for once:P Nearly all the characters in her books got bad or flawed parents. Skip those parts you don’t like as I always do that:P I am sending you & atsu Warm Chord mp3 files but it is taking ages to upload:( Btw I think it is read by petboy but I am not 100% sure so don’t get your hope too high:P

  51. lidge
    lidge September 7, 2012 at 9:20 am |

    I think the focus on the past is quite long. Some kind soul has bought the published book in Viet and is now typing it chap by chap for ppl who can’t buy the book. According to her, the story is divided into 2 books, each one > 40 chaps.

    I tracked down the first chap of the 2nd book. It begins with the main girl wrapping up her story to Xiao Bei. This means the recalling of the past takes up half of the entire story.

  52. lidge
    lidge September 7, 2012 at 9:29 am |

    I’m losing due to technicality XDXD. The updates are slow because the kind soul typing this story says she’s busy at the moment.

    I’m at the part where WY rescues the main girl from sexual assault. As they run away, she realizes they resemble the main couple from her favorite wuxia novel. I think this is her feelings change, and she sees him as something more than a friend.

  53. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 7, 2012 at 10:04 am |

    Hey, did you see the MV I posted? I think I am in love with Han Shu, lol. Btw this xiao bei is Wei Wei’s friend in Eventually Lost Youth right? Did I hear abt her atttending Wei Wei’s wedding where she met Han Shu in Chapter 1? Hehe, too noisy in the train when I was listening & I am 2 lazy to relisten:P I gonna marathon this at the weekend:)

    Lucky you that a kind soul will type up so many chapters. This book is really long. i hope it is not too draggy. Btw, you can’t understand Mandarin? Han Shu’s voice is really good. Raine, Chancy & I are fangirling him, lol.

  54. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm |

    And i think Han Shu knows Lin Jing. The Xiao Bei part would have totally passed my mind if u didn’t mention. Now i recalled Wei Wei had a tomboyish friend with very short hair and very pretty also. Fits the description of Xiao Bei.

    Yup this recap is sooooooo long. I think im only 3/5 into the recalling. I wanna forward, but afraid to miss how Wu Yue ended up with another girl and how she ended up with Han Shu.

  55. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 8, 2012 at 4:01 am |

    For most of the recap of their teens i don’t really like Xie Jue Nian. I don’t even get why Han Shu likes her. I like her after her sentence better.

  56. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 8, 2012 at 4:23 am |

    Haha, love is blind:P Btw, the audiobook is ok & I like Han Shu but I kept on falling asleep while listening to this & haven’t progressed much:( Is it me, the story or the music that is the problem? This is one sleepy book, lol.

  57. chancy426
    chancy426 September 8, 2012 at 5:35 am |

    It’s very slow progressing. I’m not a fan of recapping, especially if it’s recapping for that many chapters. I’m alright with the Youth novel when it starts from childhood, but when you start when they meet again and than go back to tell a 30 chapter story it’s veryyyyyyy hard to push through, but you have to or else you will lose some important pieces.

    haha if you can’t pull through, I can always recap you on what happened or what you want to know. If it happened during the recap eps I’ll tell you. lol

  58. lidge
    lidge September 8, 2012 at 7:32 am |

    This author likes to include or briefly mention characters in her old books in the newer ones. I think it’s nice b/c we get an update on how they’re doing.

    Yes, it’s Xiao Bei who’s ZW’s friend. I went back to briefly glance at the first chap. XB and HS met when they were maid-of-honor/best man at ZW & LJ’s wedding. It’s cute that ZW tried to match-make them.

    I think HS does mention LJ working under his father. When HS’s father’s retires, LJ will take over the position.

  59. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 8, 2012 at 9:28 am |

    I am at chapter 11 now. I am enjoying it all bcos of Han Shu:P This author can really write flawed realistic characters. I feel she wrote better male characters. I like this book made mentioned of characters from Eventually Lost Youth. I like Lost Youth better bcos I can relate to them better. I feel closer to them & care more abt them.

    This book gives me a melancholy feel. I feel sad while listening to it:( Feel like crying but no tears. Anyway I’ll soldier on & finish this book bcos I like Han Shu’s voice:P Hey, which website read this book? The guy called Smile something has read any other book? Pls check for me:) The qulity of this reading is quite good plus the weepy music.

  60. chancy426
    chancy426 September 8, 2012 at 10:34 pm |

    Not sure really. I love his voice also. The real takeaway from this audiobook is the female reader. I feel I’d like the character much better if SiLuMinYin reads it. I’m so shallow that way. lol

  61. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 8, 2012 at 11:12 pm |

    Hey Chancy, which chapter are you? Oh my goodness, I didn’t sleep last night & marathon till more than half of the book. This book is so angsty, more so than Lost Youth. When I read the spoiler, I didn’t read the big spoiler. Now, I know the true story. I feel like a crybaby for crying so much, sob sob…My heart is shattered. If you have not gone past chapter 30, hang in there as it gets better. I don’t know what to type as I don’t want to spoilt you. Just that my poor poor heart, listening to 2 super angsty books:( I am depressed now:( Lidge, you better read this after your exam as it is taking a toll on me, 2 sad:(

  62. lidge
    lidge September 8, 2012 at 11:25 pm |

    So is the story getting better for you, peanuts? Pls don’t let me know what the big spoiler is though!! I really love JN & WY so I want to find out myself^^

  63. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 8, 2012 at 11:29 pm |

    Oh, I don’t know what to feel abt Han Shu anymore. I love him at the beginning of the novel. I though he feels guilty bcos the girl went to jail. Actually it is more than that. Han Shu is not bad but not as good as I think he is. On one hand, I ship him like mad but on the other hand I wanna beat him up:( The author’s words are so cutting. Two people can view the same incident differently.

  64. chancy426
    chancy426 September 8, 2012 at 11:33 pm |

    I’m almost there, almost there. At chap 30 right now. When’s the big thing revealed?

  65. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 8, 2012 at 11:34 pm |

    Huh, you like Wu Yue & not Han Shu? Yes, if not I won’t be having sleepless night. Honestly I only slept 2 hrs last nite bcos this book is so hard to put down. Maybe I am exaggerating but even after I put down this book, i am still haunted by it:( Towards the end of the flashback, it is all tears & heartbreak for me. The music made me cry even harder:(

  66. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 8, 2012 at 11:36 pm |

    Chapter 33:((((

  67. chancy426
    chancy426 September 9, 2012 at 12:04 am |

    I must catch up. Feel soo happy, like seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

    I would dislike Wu Yue had he left his grandmother, fortunately he didn’t. haha I think it’s so funny every parent trusts their daughters with Han Shu, yet he’s just as bad as Wu Yue or maybe worster? I skimmed chap 35 last night because I knew it was the end of the tunnel. I knew it was gonna happen because why else would Han Shu be thinking that Fei Nian is his daughter. Just didn’t expect it to happen that way. I skimmed through chapter 33 so fast that I didn’t know what happened. I’m going back to chapter 30 to finish reading up to that part again. hehe

  68. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 9, 2012 at 12:18 am |

    When I 1st read the book, i ship HS all the way & don’t really like WY bcos he comes b/w HS & the girl. But now, I feel so sad for WY. I think my tears are for WY sad life as well as HS image being shattered. Suddenly I feel betrayed, lol.

    This book sort of have the same theme as Lost Youth in that the things that happened in their youth is affecting their future. I change my mind now. I feel this book is more interesting & gritty than Lost Youth. Lost Youth story is closer to real life as we see shades of those characters in our daily life but this book is so much more complex & captivating. I can’t read another book by this author bcos listening 2 of her books back to back is killing me:(

    Luckily have you to read the book with me so I’ve an avenue to rant & rave. Maybe I am too into Han Shu & the book, my heart feels really hurt now:(

  69. lidge
    lidge September 9, 2012 at 1:36 am |

    I sympathize with JN & WY b/c they’re victims of the prejudices commonly found in society. WY’s alienated and not given a chance b/c he’s the son of a “killer.” Likewise with JN, who’s rejected by her parents b/c she was born a girl. She’s also judged negatively by most ppl due to her prison record & questionable “single” status since she’s caring for a little girl.

    I feel JN & WY are both broken in spirits by the prejudices in society. Remember how JN was talkative and lively until she overhead her parents wanting a boy, not a girl? The connection between JN & WY is that they’re unwanted members of society. And this special bond between them is one that HS can never break b/c he doesn’t understand. How could he? All of his life, HS has always had everything: looks, family prestige, education, money, etc. In the echelon of society, HS is always on top looking down on other ppl so he can’t know what it’s like to be on the bottom looking up like JN & WY.

    The reason I like this story a lot is b/c it shows that prejudices in society can affect a person’s life & sometimes, even destroy the person (in WY’s case). This sounds sad and unfair, but does happen in real life, unfortunately.

  70. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 9, 2012 at 3:23 am |

    You put everything I wanna say together very well so you shall excel in your uni assignment:) Too bad, you haven’t read the whole book or else I’ve a lot more to say. Come back after you finish this book later so we can continue to discuss.

    My life lies somewhere b/w HS & WY so I can’t really relate to them entirely as in Lost Youth where the characters are more like people you’ve met, meet or will meet in your life. Yet this book showcase so well human prejudices & perceptions. I feel very emotional for the characters as well as the story. This is now my fav book even b4 I read the last third of the book.

    For me HS is also a rather tragic character. I blame him for what happened yet I also feel very sad for him. He is just a young boy with an obsessive crush. I blame him for not seeking out JN earlier but he is a confused & flawed human. Bcos of what happened, you’ll feel even more painful for him as the story progress. The conversations b/w HS & JN just bleed my heart. I don’t dare to continue this book as I need time to digest & recover from my shock, disappointment, pain & sadness:(

  71. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 9, 2012 at 3:37 am |

    Im at 34, but i didn’t feel anything was tear triggering. Did u mean a different chap?

  72. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 9, 2012 at 4:33 am |

    I actually don’t blame Han Shu for Wu Yue’s incident. I think it made sense what he did. He sees Wu Yue as a criminal, trying to hold him there and preventing him from escaping is reasonable. Of.course he also had his own thoughts and jealousy that played in. I actually blame Jue Nian for delaying Wu Yu’s escape with that confession. Lol That wasted a few minutes.

    You put everything I wanna say together very well so you shall excel in your uni assignment:) Too bad, you haven’t read the whole book or else I’ve a lot more to say. Come back after you finish this book later so we can continue to discuss.

    My life lies somewhere b/w HS & WY so I can’t really relate to them entirely as in Lost Youth where the characters are more like people you’ve met, meet or will meet in your life. Yet this book showcase so well human prejudices & perceptions. I feel very emotional for the characters as well as the story. This is now my fav book even b4 I read the last third of the book.

    For me HS is also a rather tragiccharacter. I blame him for what happened yet I also feel very sad for him. He is just a young boy with an obsessive crush. I blame him for not seeking out JN earlier but he is a confused & flawed human. Bcos of what happened, you’ll feel even more painful for him as the story progress. The conversations b/w HS & JN just bleed my heart. I don’t dare to continue this book as I need time to digest & recover from my shock, disappointment, pain & sadness:(

  73. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 9, 2012 at 8:56 am |

    What I am saying is bcos of what happened in chapter 33, it triggers off the chain of events. Probably I am too invested emotionally on HS that I feel sad for him in chapter 33. He asked her do you even know it is me?, sob sob…. This contrast with Chatters in that I’ve never liked ZYS. Haha, I’ve double std:P

    The sad bit is the trial & her life in prison. Oh I feel life is so unfair to JN, receiving no support fr the parents whereas HS has her aunt to help him out. This woman who seems self-righteous in actual fact will bend the rule for her loved one. Also, CJJ’s parents love their only daughter so much to the extend of bribing the motel’s owner. This contrast to JN’s parents lack of love.

  74. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 9, 2012 at 9:18 am |

    No, no I also don’t blame HS for what happened to WY. Bcos of his background, WY is fated to have a hard life. I feel sad for him but he is fortunate to have the eternal love of JN. I feel he loves JN more but got together with CJJ bcos she is so different. Hehe, I think you’ve been too harsh on JN. She regrets that she didn’t sieze her chance with WY until too late. She knows that if she doesn’t say it then, she might not have another chance. I’ll do the same:P In fact WY can escape but he went back just to say good bye to her. I feel JN loves WY very much bcos she met Xiao Bei on her way to WY’s hometown, she takes care of his daughter & the though of WY help her to endure her terrible life in prison. Bcos they are outcasts who grew up together, she has loved him since young & he died in front of her, WY has been immortalised in JN’s heart. Eventhough she ends up with HS, I feel she loves WY the most as nobody can compete with a dead person.

    Wah Chancy, you are a tough girl. I am too sentimental & melancholy so I tear up quite easily:( After chapter 33, I cried quite often but not as bad as every chapter:( I wonder how she can end up with HS after everything that happened. This is even worse than Chatters as she went to jail & suffered so much more. Chatters is more light hearted & ZYS has it so much easier than HS. Also, MXL’s life isn’t as tragic as JN:( Oh, I am such a cry baby yet I love books that are weepy, complex & realistic:(

    I do partly blame HS for what happened to JN. Anyway JN said she & WY should also share the blame for what happened to them which I also agree. Life is not black or white & the other side of love need not be hate – stole this line fr the author:P I don’t know if i can still ship HS with JN. Probably I can if I can let go of the past like JN can. JN said of course she hates him but with the passing of time, it is not impt anymore. Time is a great healer. If you want to continue to live life, you need to learn to let go. Although she said that, I don’t think it is easy for her to let go as showm by her treatment of HS where she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him.

  75. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 9, 2012 at 11:53 pm |

    Hey Chancy, which chapter are you at or have you given up:P? If you are not there already, another guy will pop up I think in chapter 40 plus. I like the reader’s voice & even searched high & low for his other work:) But he seems not that good in changing voice bcos at times I can’t differentiate whether HS or this guy is talking.

  76. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 10, 2012 at 2:17 am |

    Im at 40. Just went into another recapping session about her looking for his tomb and i assume how she goes to find Fei Nian. I hope i can finish it before month end. Soooo long. U know? This novel opened me to new realization about jail life. I already know knitting is done in jail cause my boss told us that. That ear and raping…very uncomfortable. I love the bug stories.

  77. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 10, 2012 at 2:31 am |

    Don’t worry, this recapping is rather short. You mean the caterpillars & the butterflies? You’ll enjoy it more when there is more interactions with HS & the appearance of another male.

    Btw, those ppl in baidu are also not fond of JN voice in the audiobook. Also, the drama gonna be filmed soon & JN’s role has been assigned. Who is the girl? Any idea? I wonder who will be HS. If he is not someone I like, bye bye to this drama, lol.

  78. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 10, 2012 at 2:44 am |

    Yah the butterfly stories. Especially since its a story about hope. Not everyone can become a butterfly.

    The girl is pretty, i might have watched for a minute before stopped watching that 7 fairy drama of her’s. Wu Yue…i wanna see who would play this little monk. I can see zhang han, would he look good bald? Lol

  79. lidge
    lidge September 10, 2012 at 2:51 am |

    Peanuts, so this book will be adapted into a drama like Lost Youth too? YAY!!!~ Am SO happy! Pls update any info, esp the cast! Thanks. I’m only 1/4 into the story, but adding this to my list of faves.

  80. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 10, 2012 at 3:01 am |

    Don’t wanna be a wet blanket but don’t get your hope too high:) Better wait & see who are the actors. Also, how much changes they gonna make to the novel? If YN turns into a weepy & tragic character, I gonna boycott the drama. If the ending is sad, beat up the director, lol.

    Btw, I think I’ve different taste from many of those in baidu. I ship LJ but most of them think he is boring & like Chen:( I adore HS but most of them in baidu likes WY. Well, never mind, I am just unique, lol.

  81. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 10, 2012 at 3:32 am |

    Oh no, I read more spoilers in baidu:( I think I need to take a break fr this book:( Also, I think I may not be able to ship HS anymore:(

  82. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 10, 2012 at 3:37 am |

    Aye~ what’d he do this time? U so impatient girl! Y u reading spoilers while ire almost there?

  83. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 10, 2012 at 3:45 am |

    You’ve long way to go, girl:P This happened in the last third of the book. Hey, I accidentally read the spoiler, not purposely:) Thus, I won’t spoil you but I need to buy more Kleenex:( This story is really complex. You are in for a big shock, hehe…

  84. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 10, 2012 at 11:08 am |

    This is not related to the book but I read on baidu many think he is suitable to be Wu Yue. He is HXM. Lidge, I think you live on the East Coast right? HXM maybe landing in New York on 20 Sept & film his new movie in Princeton, New Jersey. If you are anywhere near, you can go & stalk him:P


  85. lidge
    lidge September 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm |

    Peanuts, I’m in Texas so no can do on the stalking unfortunately (sadface). For the drama, I fevertently hope the main cast is likeable. A bad cast can ruin a drama, especially when it’s adapted from a book because fans of the book already have a preconceived notion of what the characters are like.

  86. chancy426
    chancy426 September 10, 2012 at 5:52 pm |

    That’s why when it’s a very very liked novel, sometimes rather not have it be made into drama. Even if the actor/actresses are chosen right if the production company is not up to par it will be very bad results still. Can never be sure. Like look at BBJX turned out very great, but look at their Xuan Yuan Jian.

    I like the new guy that just came in. Is he gay? or was that a misunderstanding. lol I think I might turn to like him the best. I can’t exactly like Wu Yue entirely, if I hadn’t known that he might possibly like Jue Nian I would be able to like him. I like guys that can stay true to the person they like. If he liked Jue Nian, he shouldn’t have gotten into that kind of intimate relationship with Jie Jie. You could have just stayed unmoved by her liking towards you and just secretly like Jue Nian while being her friend.

    All the characters are all flawed in a realistic way. Up to right now, I can’t exactly like any of the characters. I find Han Shu likable and unlikeable at times. His lack of courage to speak up for Jue Nian which caused her to go to jail for 5 years was understandable, but makes your heart distanced from him even though really liked him in the beginning. I believed that if Jue Nian did look at him than perhaps he would have stood up for her, but she didn’t, but he also knew that was how she was. I felt that it was sort of an excuse that he didn’t want to realize.

  87. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 10, 2012 at 11:59 pm |

    Oh oh oh, you are a cow girl, lol. Don’t come after me with a gun:P I am so scare now, haha…..If I am in NYC, I’ll go to the airport just to take pictures & see how handsome HXM is eventhough I am not a fan:) I find him good looking but sorry I don’t like his acting. Never watch any of his dramas. Only saw a few minutes of ROCH & DOMD. He is too old as Wu Yue.

    Good cast means that person must be suitable for the role in term of age, appearance & acting skill. I am shallow so I need eye candy who I can drool on for HS & WY:P I can give some concessions if their acting skills are average but cannot be intolerable:P On the other hand if their acting skills are top notch but look like my leftover dinner, then so sorry, I cannot watch that drama, lol.

  88. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 11, 2012 at 12:39 am |

    Which chapter are you at? Didn’t you read he was kind of embracing another guy in the car or something like that. He is quite nice but too mild & bland for my taste:P The dinner b/w HS, JN, Aunty Tsai & him is one of my fav scene.

    I think WY differently from you. Bcos JN never confesses her love for him, how can you except him to stay true to her? I suspect he does like her but feels that he is not good enough for her. They are best friends. He hooked up with CJJ probably bcos she is flirty & seductive. She is so different & glamorous like a forbidden fruit. Even if they were to run away, I doubt they’ll be together forever. He is just a youth who is at a stage of exploration & discovery so it is understandable he succumbed to the temptation. I feel he is the most fortunate of the lot in that he has JN eternal love & need not face anymore hardships.

    What I like abt this author is the way she writes her story. There is no clear cut good or bad leading characters in her stories. Each of them are so flawed that you feel like kissing them one minute & slapping them the next, lol. Different ppl with different set values & experiences in life will relate better to different characters. We get equally awesome first & 2nd or even 3rd male leads.

    Yah, in baidu there is heated arguments on HS. I like him at the beginning of the story but is disappointed with him as the story progresses to the point of giving up on him. But, don’t know why I still can’t break up with him, lol. Probably I am judgemental & prejudice like so many characters in the book. I am attracted to his good look, charm, wit, good family background, interesting job, vurnerabilities & most importantly his voice, haha..

    I don’t want to bash my HS but I don’t think he’ll speak up for JN no matter if she looked at him or not. This is just an excuse to make himself feel better. Beneath the charming exterior, he is fundamentally a selfish, spoilt, weak & prideful guy. Just bcos he has many good qualities, he feels that he is entitled to many things in life. He only thinks from his perseptive but never bother to understand what others want or need. His redeeming features is his undying love for JN (don’t know if this is good or bad), conscious of his flaws, is suffering from his actions & seek ways to atone for his faults. I’ve a love & hate r/s with him, lol.

  89. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 11, 2012 at 1:33 am |

    Now, I understand the craving on the tree. When I was listening, I was surprised why she craved HS & JN on the tree. It turns out that she craved XHS & JN but bcos X is the 1st letter she craved, it didn’t turn out well & with the passage of time has faded. Thus, one can only see HS & JN. Oh, this author is so good in her foreboding.

  90. atsu-chan
    atsu-chan September 11, 2012 at 2:06 am |

    So I started on this yesterday and fell asleep. I don’t feel the pull of the story yet, but that’s probably because I fell asleep. Definitely giving this another spin later. So far, I don’t like Zhu Xiao Bei that much, but I don’t dislike her either. Han Shu is okay, but I’m waiting to fall in love, just like I did with Zhao Mo Sheng and Yan Song and Lin Qiao and He Yi Chen!

  91. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 11, 2012 at 2:30 am |

    Oh Atsu, you’ve the wrong book bcos nobody in this book is as perfect & sweet as those you mentioned. In fact, they are very far from it. This is a book abt flawed & realistic characters. If you want someone like those you mentioned then you better listen to To our Eventually Lost Youth which is the prequel to this book. That book is also good with flawed & realistic characters but lighter & brighter compared to this book which is quite grim & angsty. Moreover that book will be made into a movie & drama. To tempt you further that book has a Ling Jing gege who I adore:P

  92. atsu-chan
    atsu-chan September 11, 2012 at 2:47 am |

    Really? But you guys are all reading it and I want to join in the fun. I know it’s going to be made into a movie, but I kind of want to sit down and finish a book from start to finish (unless I’m in denial and don’t want to read the ending)…

  93. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 11, 2012 at 3:08 am |

    Haha, actually only Chancy & me are listening to this. Lidge is stuck as no more online Viet translations can be found. Xiaoyuer likes more offbeat & funny books:) You are welcome to read with us but it is not fun but tears:( I’ll relisten to the middle parts of Lost Youth as I skipped most of the middle parts of that book in my race to meet my Ling Jing gege, lol. Chancy has put that book on hiatus. I suggest you read Lost Youth is that I feel that book is more to your liking. I am afraid you cannot finish this book as it is rather long & it doesn’t have enough sweetness to sustain you:P We can still discuss Lost Youth. Btw, don’t think you can catch up to us as we are too far ahead with this book:) Anyway, up to you on which book to read.

  94. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 11, 2012 at 6:47 am |

    Soooo misleading in the beginning right? I almost thought she had a relationship with Han Shu before jail time. I wonder.if Han Shu thought like us that it was his initials. Lol

  95. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 11, 2012 at 7:52 am |

    I can answer you that bcos I got google to read me the last chapter just now:P HS is sceptical & unsure but he chose to be positive & believe it is him, haha….self-delusion:P

  96. lidge
    lidge September 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm |

    ignorance is bliss 🙂

  97. Chancy426
    Chancy426 September 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm |

    That’s pretty delusion. He’s pretty cute that way. Lol did Jue Nian even fall in love with him by the end? I know they end up together, for me there is l20 chaps left for him to turn things around.

  98. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 12, 2012 at 12:15 am |

    Yes. that is why I can’t hate HS for long:P Actually i am at chapter 60 only but jumped to the final chapter just to cure my addiction, lol. I feel that JN does not love HS as much as she loves WY but WY is dead. XHS will live prefectly forever in her heart/memory. Yet, she is living so the best choice is HS who is there at that point in time.

    Although HS has hurt her, with the passage of time she sort of slowly able to forgive him. Moreover all his actions to make atonement surely must have touched her more or less. Also, he loves her & what he did was when they were still young. In addition, HS is someone who is in her past & know abt her & WY. Being with HS is like still being tied to WY & the past. Compared to Chatters, I feel it is more satisfactory & acceptable in this book for them to end up together:)

  99. JoleCole
    JoleCole September 18, 2012 at 8:24 am |

    Hey who she ends up with? The son of a killer, Wu Yue or the son of the Chief Inspector, Han Shu?

    She ends up with Han Shu. Their relationship takes time to build up and Jue Nian does not open her heart easily. The epilogue chapter closes with the hint that she’s willing to leave her past behind and starts a new life with Han Shu. The first thing she will do is leave her old apartment to move in with him. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS BOOK!!

  100. JoleCole
    JoleCole September 18, 2012 at 8:28 am |

    This story opens with a big oomph and some major angst to pull the reader in immediately.So far, I really like the main girl a lot.She’s trying hard to survive, esp. with having to live with the prison record and taking care of a little girl.What I love about her is that she doesn’t seem to have any bitterness about her current difficult life, but she’s not some annoying Pollyanna either.I’m at the part where Han Shus apologizes to her about whatever he had done in the past, and she just calmly says, “All right, I forgive you.”Without any bitterness and with a finality that indicates she wants to move on.If she keeps on being this cool, she might be one of my favorite female characters.

    She stays pretty cool! I love her too. Except, she still refuses to let go of a part of her past that makes her removed from reality.

  101. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm |

    Yeh, another fan of this book like Lidge & me. Both of us also LOVE this book:)Thank you for telling us the ending but I’ve already found out subsequent to that post:) DId you read abt the symbolism of the carving on the tree? Btw, this book will be flimed into a drama soon. I hope HS will be acted by someone I like & the story won’t change much:) HS is read by a guy with a nice voice in the audio book.

    Btw, thank you for visiting the bar. I also visit your blog often to find out when Femaie Prime Minister will be released so I can watch & read your comments in spcnet like Sealed With a Kiss:)

  102. mookie
    mookie October 23, 2012 at 7:44 am |

    I’ve finished this book in one sitting this wkend ( I checked several chapters a yr + ago but didnt have the time to cont) and and I’m still gathering up the pieces of my bruised heart and mauling over it to no end.

    Lovely thread you guys have here, I’ve read through every one of your insightful comments!

    @Peanuts what you experienced while reading is 99% my feels esp on Han Shu *sighhhh* …exc I run from spoilers, jumping in blank slate.

    To add in the discussion:

    I’m not convinced WY loves JN as a man and woman ever. What convinced me my stance was that pivotal fable of caterpillars, butterflies (and moths) WY told JN. He’s the caterpillar who is dazzled by the bright sunlight and has an obsession to adopt the life of that pretty butterfly (CJJ) after it (her) catching his eye. It’s very true he and JN shared the irrevocable bond growing up in similar dire circumstances, experiencing the equally devastating prejudice and abandonment from family and society, they can understand each other like no other being in the rest of the world. They both know that….but that is exactly why it makes it painful for WY to even entertain the idea of settling with a life with JN…their lives are too full of doom and dread…they both need ‘rescuing’, an escape, and he has met his butterfly, his aspiration and desire to fly his highest. IF JN has told him her feelings, he may be able to never hope and wish for a life with CJJ beyond his reach and means and just be content as 2 caterpillars sharing a sliver of sunlight/warm in the bottom of the dingy hole they have no choice but share, but that’s before he’s met CJJ, and once he’s tasted hope and dream and all things lofty, there’s no going back. JN is still his most important person because of the bloodbond they shared, like helping each other climbing out of their hole through all the adversities unimaginable to anyone else and she’s his one and only true friend he’s made a Promise. He must’ve treasured that more than love and CJJ his last moments, but that didn’t speak to me as though he had romantic feelings towards JN.

  103. raini
    raini October 23, 2012 at 5:26 pm |

    I don’t know, maybe I’m the minority but I found myself pretty turned off by Ju Nian’s character lol actually I became turned off by all the characters…

    Aside from her closedness, I found she’s always insincere with herself, even if on the outside she appears to be a person that’s let go, moved on. She’s only let one person into her world, and the rest of those that want to get close to her, she villainizes. The fiasco with Wu Yu and Jie Jie was in part due to her ‘伪君子’ facade. She never saw Jie Jie as a true friend and never able to communicate sincerely with that girl. She’s never treated anyone sincerely other than Wu Yu, not even herself I think. Of course, I understand how she got to be this way, but it sort of suffocates me when reading this story.

    I think the reason why I was unable to finish reading this story also because I ended up falling out of love with all 4 characters, starting with Ju Nian. I don’t like it when author makes the characters all holy and incorruptible to the point of them being unrealistic, but I just really don’t like how cynical Ju Nian’s character is. She makes me lose hope because I don’t feel she can genuinely find happiness, ever. I think this is the saddest part, and also my only compassion to Ju Nian. What does she really want? I’m sure it’s not love, man-woman like mookie said, but just a person and another person able to look past all the judgements and hypocricies life throws at them. Their ‘love’ goes past friendship, family, and romance. What Ju Nian wants is really not much, just a simple desire that she’s wanted all her life. The only thing that was keeping her from it is herself in the end. This is such a heavy story.

  104. mookie
    mookie October 24, 2012 at 8:49 am |


    I’m turned off by all of the characters during different part of the stories. But I’m pretty sure that’s exactly the effect writer Xin is after.

    JN is my favorite female character out of all the CN romance (言情) novels I’ve read recently, and it’s almost for the reasons you don’t care for her. I find her impossible to look away and keep in mind every waking moment. I just need my characters to be understandable, I need to make sense of their little world, the fact it’s very different from mine, I can’t relate to it, is of a lower priority. I agree I don’t particularly wanna befriend a JN, but that’s more I have no idea how to handle her and will eternally feel useless as a friend towards her bags of past skeletons. I marvel at how all encompassing I find her character is built up. How only maybe someone with such a sunny deposition, and a true large selfless heart like XiaoBe can take it her past and not scared away from the ‘responsibility’ of a friend in the know. I view JN as immensely tenacious and actually the opposite of cynical because of what happened to her and what’s shaping her disposition. In her shoes, I know I’ll fare much much much worst, let alone even considering whether I’m being social and nice and sincere to ppl around…because what’s the significance and value in all of that to JN?!? Saying she’s fake and having a facade is shocking to me as being way too harsh. I can’t put the blame on someone unable to befriend or have lost the ability to trust anyone… not someone who’s been through half what JN’s been through, let alone JN herself. I don’t see CJJ befriending JN as sincere more than the other way around, She was with HS witnessing JN+WY at their happiest dash towards the temple. If JN’s smile cast a spell on HS, I’ll take it as enough hint WY’s had the same effect on JJ…ie princess is being exceptionally out of the way kind to JN most probably, to acquaint herself with WY, not saying it’s manipulative of CJJ, but an entitlement to grab what catches her fancy, and it’s catching the eye of WY weighing more heavily than JN’s friendship as we can totally see as events unfold. Of all teenagers, I trust JN to be able to sniff it out all out, and not to sound too judgmental of our own sex, we are often much harsher on our kind, and CJJ is clearly a threat to JN very early on. I think she is a much larger person than required to not just hate CJJ for that reason alone yet she’s civil with her because she can’t hate her, which I think it’s her honest feeling towards CJJ. So all in all, JN being fake/insincere/伪君子 has never ever crossed my mind. She’s never fake being nice to JJ and has always treated her what her heart feels, JJ is nice to her, she’ll be cordial, but never did she express she feels JJ is her friend. JN is just treating her with a self-preservation she’s learned to, for survival. She’s weighed it out long ago as a child speaking everything of her mind, expressing love, care…everything human has no value at all, being warm, sweet, bubbly…everything bright is of a hindrance when there’s no one at the receiving end, no one to interact. Her only place in the world is…to get lost and disappear from the seams and be the transparent piece of scenery. She’s tried giving and loving her family but her outstretched hand has been bitten back by the most painful venom every time. I also felt so disheartened for her sake because it’s another blow WY has distanced himself from her since they got into highschool. He doesn’t love her romantically, but the withdrawn he has towards her is insensitive on his part. He knows she only has him, it’s irresponsible of him to dump it all on JN being not fessing up, I don’t buy he know nth of her attraction towards him. He is by then actively in a relationship with CJJ, whom he should know befriend JN because JN is impt to WY and on the front of CJJ alone, that’s a betrayal on JN’s feelings IF she genuinely considers JJ a friend. I’m relieved JN did not back then or else that’s another extra stab. but actually she cared about CJJ way more than the other way round as we can see later on …she is stunted from expressing, but she is actually the only one capable of not being selfish and care about the rest in her unique way…even if it’s only deep in her heart.

  105. raini
    raini October 24, 2012 at 4:42 pm |


    lol I was looking forward to you coming back and arguing with me ^^

    I’m actually surprised, I never saw JJ that way until much later, but like you say CJJ is no better a friend to JN as the other way around. If JN had felt it since the start, I can’t even imagine how much I would hate CJJ, except that I totally missed that boat in my distracting bias for JN. Same with HS since he fell from grace as well. XYW packaged HS as a prince charming and in the end we found out he actually just finds excuse to do whatever he wants despite the consequences his actions would bring to others. I always thought JN had a hand in what happened to WY at the end since her shoutout made that few seconds of difference where HS was able to see and catch him before he ran away. But WY I don’t think he was that clueless, I refuse to believe he didn’t know about JN’s feelings. Agreed, it’s very cruel of me the reader to be expecting JN to be any more optimistic than she had been taking in account of her past, but it’s kind of a gambling hope lol. If I lose the gamble, I will get bitter so that’s why I didn’t enjoy this story. Just don’t like the heaviness this story makes me feel. If one of them (WY or JN) were able to climb out of the ditch, which imo I don’t feel they ever did, I would feel much less depressed. It’s a much more organic and realistic story than what I would find with other writers that love writing this kind of heavy romance stories though, but in a way that’s what’s torturous about it because I can’t pass it off as cliche and roll my eyes T_T

  106. mookie
    mookie November 3, 2012 at 6:10 am |


    I actually savor the torture. I’ve a cold black heart XD It’s not easy to really make me this emotionally devastated.

    I thing I really like about Miss Xin’s guys, are they are never really prince charming, maybe the shell, but inside they can be ugly and beautiful mixed in one.

    btw the editor/publisher of the novel just weibo’d they are working on a drama adapt.

    O! M! G!

  107. Chancy426
    Chancy426 November 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm |

    Really? I think all her book make great dramas. Lately seem like every book is turned into drama so i wonder how long we need to wait.

  108. tkaori
    tkaori January 8, 2013 at 6:33 am |

    I want to read this book [许我向你看 (Let me look at you)] in English. Can you help me to find the link for this book?

  109. Seoul In Love Now
    Seoul In Love Now January 8, 2013 at 3:14 pm |

    Looks like this novel is very good, with many people recommending..but will need patience as it is quite lengthy..hmm..actually it will be nice if there is an English version..

    I should really try reading when free..^^

  110. HuiEr
    HuiEr April 1, 2013 at 2:48 am |

    I just finished this and I feel like vomiting blood and gouging my eyes out. SO MUCH BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN ANGST. If you are looking for even for a bit of cute scenes, this is NOT the book for you. 🙁 And the funny isn’t the laugh out loud funny either – just some cutting remarks or character observations.

    Don’t get me wrong – it’s great but i just wished that there was a more definitive ending. Peanuts tell me that XYW never writes definitive endings; I agree that is more akin to real life.

    XJN and HS are probably the most realistic written characters I have read in a C-novel in a very long time. Both are very flawed in different ways and if they existed in real life, so difficult to love too. I love them (as characters) a lot and I wish I can write a fan fic where they will end up happily every after, but I cannot imagine what will make them come together… -_____-

  111. lidge
    lidge April 1, 2013 at 3:59 pm |

    HuiEr: I just finished this and I feel like vomiting blood and gouging my eyes out. SO MUCH BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN ANGST.

    In one of the epilogues, JN agrees to finally sell the house and move in with HS. That’s a more definitive ending than the ending of the book where JN decides not to leave with that guy what’s-his-name.

    I love this story for so many reasons, one of which is the intertwine role of “time” and “fate.” Here, we see that time does heal all wounds, eventually. There are scars from the emotional wounds, but the characters grow wiser and are more mature with time so they can make better decisions. When they meet again, HS tries to make up for his past mistakes and shows his love for JN, but he’s not the pushy and hot-headed youth like he had been. This is why JN can eventually accept him. As for JN, she learns to let go of a miserable past so she can have a better future with HS. Her progress of “forgive and forget” is very slow, but who can blame her after what she had been through? The most important thing is that in the end, she finally moves on by selling the house and moving in with HS.

    The critical factor that binds HS and JN is fate. I’ve read reviews which emphasize this, and I agree. No matter what happens, HS and JN are fated to be with each other: from the first meeting in the kindergarten Snow White play to JN’s dad being HS’s dad’s driver to HS/JN going to the same high school to finally meeting again after years of separation. No matter how much JN pushes HS away, in the end, he’s the only person who’s always there for her. While I think “fate” gives HS and JN’s relationship the romance in their love story, I’m also ambivalent about it because JN did not love HS in the beginning. It is only after much resisting that she finally realizes it’s no use, they are fated to be in each other’s life and she is worn down by his persistence that she accepts him. I have no doubt HS really loves JN, but is this the type of love JN wants? As a girl, is this the type of love that you want?

  112. HuiEr
    HuiEr April 2, 2013 at 10:36 am |

    Sigh… Peanuts found me that epilogue to read. And lets just say, it seals their HEA.

    I’m so happy . 😀

    To be honest, LMLAY is a difficult book for me to love. How should I say this – from a technical aspect, it is beautifully written. LMLAY is more about characterization than plot. If you don’t love the characters, you won’t love the book; I don’t think the plot in itself is sufficient to hold the readers attention. The characters are so realistically flawed, and their imperfections make them so difficult to love. But at the same time, i’m invested in them enough to care about what happens to them and to hurt along with them.

  113. xia0yuer
    xia0yuer August 13, 2013 at 1:32 am |

    Finally started this book after hearing all of you raving about it for almost a year. It’s actually pretty good, probably one of my favorite modern novels. I like the female lead. She leads a tough life but she isn’t bitter about it and tries to make the best of it.

    I’ve just gotten to the part where Ju Nian tell Zhu Xiao Bei about her past with Han Shu. I’m quite disgusted with Han Shu because of what he did to Ju Nian. I know he loves her but taking advantage of her while she was drunk and letting her go to jail to protect his own reputation is just terrible. I understand that he was under a lot of pressure and was confused, but ultimately his actions disappoint me. I don’t hate him though, because I understand why he did it, I just can’t forgive him for it yet.

    I still can’t tell if Wu Yu liked Ju Nian. I felt like he did, but didn’t want to “hold her back” so he didn’t let them become anything. I feel like he just used Chen Jie Jie because she was willing and affectionate, but did not actually love her. I don’t like men who do that, though at least he was man enough to take responsibilities for Chen Jie Jie’s pregnancy.

  114. xia0yuer
    xia0yuer August 15, 2013 at 4:11 pm |

    OMG, totally fangirling the new guy Tang Ye!!!!! He’s the best guy in the story so far! If only if he wasn’t gay…. *sigh*

  115. xia0yuer
    xia0yuer August 18, 2013 at 4:49 pm |

    Peanuts: Arrrgh, so glad you are reading/listening to this book since this is one of Lidge & my fav book. There is really a lot of depth to this book although it is really depressing most of the time:( Bcos we ship HS too hard at the beginning so we still stick with him even after we got to know all the bad things he did. Tang Ye appears too late for me to feel much for him. I feel gay men are normally nicer.

    Btw, are you watching lan ling wang with Ariel & FSF? I am watching it, a nice change from all the palace scheming drama. I find it ok but FSF being a pretty boy is a bit hard to stomach. I got goose bumps watching his bathing scene, lol.

    Yeah, it’s turning into one of my favorite modern novels as well. I like Han Shu but I don’t think I would ever be able to forgive (or even be in the same room as) a guy who did that to me, so I understand Ju Nian’s coldness and rejection. I find it really touching how Ju Nian as able to become friends with people from all walks of life, from a prostitute to a wealthy businessman. All of the characters are flawed, but those flaws add to the depth of each character. I feel that Ju Nian’s parents are the main villains in this story… if not for their close-mindedness and disregard for Ju Nian’s well-being, the result would not be such a tragedy….

    I haven’t started watching Lan Ling Wang yet, though it’s definitely on my list of to-watch dramas. It’s just that I’ve been more in the mood for modern chinese drama recently, like Beijing Love Story (北京爱情故事) with Chen Si Cheng and Tong Li Ya, Beijing Youth (北京青年) with Li Chen and Ma Su, and Angel is Coming (今夜天使降临) with Li Xiao Ran, Liu Tao and Ma Su. Lol, I think I’m getting old…

    My most anticipated dramas are The Best Time and Remembering Li Chuan. Both modern dramas, haha.

  116. xia0yuer
    xia0yuer September 1, 2013 at 1:48 am |

    Peanuts!!!! I need another book recommendation. I just finished Let Me Look At You. I’d classify the ending as HFN (Happily For Now) because the open ending for Han Shu and Ju Nian. I was angry at Ju Nian when CJJ wanted Fei Ming back and Ju Nian just lightly let her have her back. I had the same reaction as Han Shu, hahaha. As for Tang Ye, I’m sorry that he had to escape the country alone, but Ju Nian was right, there was no room with her after the sacrifice his boyfriend made for him.

    As for JN’s parent and younger brother, they got the ending they deserved. I’m surprised that JN’s parents even showed up at the jail when her brother was incarcerated. Aren’t they worried that he might reflect badly upon them? Why not leave him to rot in jail like they did to JN? I rarely get so worked up when reading a book that I start hating characters, but I simply LOATHE her parents. Good thing they get their just desserts.

    Also I wish ZXB got her happy ending, but she still ended up single. I’m glad she didn’t end up with Jiang Nan though because that guy proposed to her by asking her if she wants to be his child’s mother….

    Anyways, I desperately need another book to start on to relieve some on the angst in this one. Hopefully, a cute and funny one with a little bit of angst, good story line, awesome male lead. Modern, xian via, or ancient? Also can we maybe have a post for book recommendations?

  117. Redhazel
    Redhazel June 1, 2014 at 3:27 pm |

    I just finished this book today with some help from bing translator so I just catch the main point.
    No wonder everybody love it coz it’s a great novel!! The character, the plot and the angst are beautifully written. It will be a great drama or movie.
    I kinda hope JN would go away with TY. She can start a whole new life with him and leaving all her painful memory behind.
    I love JN words to TY aunt when they had dinner. It’s satire and to the point!
    The writer makes all the character so real. JN different treatment towards HS and TY makes me pity HS sometimes, especially during New Year’s Eve scene. He has to kicked the gate and begged desperately to JN to let him came in.
    His love for the kid add a good poin for him.
    Anyway, where’s the epilogue? Is it included in the novel too?
    I can’t remember that she wants to move from her home and live with him.

  118. Redhazel
    Redhazel June 2, 2014 at 3:47 pm |

    Oh peanuts, thank you for your compliment :p my knowledge about mandarin language is zero. A big zero.
    Sometimes I have to read couple times to understand or I just skip some part coz I dont really know what’s the point. I have to keep my spirit to finish a book. Fortunately I have never abandone any novel before.
    Yes I know he’s gay but he’s a good guy. They know and understand each other but yes I know that it will be weird if they have relationship and his love for his boyfriend is very deep. Maybe just like JN and WY, so it won’t be easy for him to forget him *what an ambiguous word!*

  119. Vico SDL
    Vico SDL June 20, 2021 at 7:57 am |

    I’ve read it… And to be honest, there’s just one thing that stops me from rooting for Han Shu and liking the novel.
    I can get that he didn’t dare to testify for her because he was scared. But I can’t forgive him for raping her when she was so drunk.
    The thing is I have a big problem with rape but even more with the rape culture. To be honest, If I hadn’t read so many chinese novels that included rape between the leads and still normalized it/excused it (jeez, Rolling Love had me so sick and traumatized, with the detailed rape scenes, the readers that didn’t see the problem and the male lead that still had a happy ending despite never really apologizing), maybe I could like this novel.
    But to me, this novel is one more proof that Chinese people (and yet, I love China) tend to normalize rape too much
    (come to think of it, the only chinese novel that includes rape between the leads and that I is still one of my favorité is Variety Flowers at Seaside, can’t explain myself why though)
    It’s too bad because if there was no rape, I feel like I could really like Let Me Look At You

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