Your Majesty, Please Calm Down / Please Restrain Yourself (Dr. Cutie) 陛下请淡定/ 陛下请自重 (萌医甜妻) by Jiu Xiao Qi (HE)


Originally book name “陛下请自重” (Your Majesty, Please Control Yourself)

As an eunuch, Tian Qi’s ba zi* was harder than diamond-plated gold drill. Although her ba zi easily brought an end to three consecutive masters, the Emperor was not afraid to be the next casualty and got her to serve at Qian Qing Palace.

Although His Majesty looked like a handsome gentleman, his behavior was more like a hooligan. Once, the Emperor touched Tian Qi’s lower abdomen and started to wonder at the amazing flatness of the area…

[Ebook] [Bệ hạ xin tự trọng][Audiobook][Radiodrama][Eng Translation (Chapters 1-20) (Chapters 21-39)(Chapters 40-74.1)(Chapters 74.2-on][Drama with Eng Subs][Manhua in Eng]

*八字 a Feng Shui term that refers to one’s date and time of birth, or the destiny that one is born with


21 Responses

  1. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom August 21, 2014 at 1:50 am |

    Although most romance novels contain some elements of porn, I would say this book is more raunchy than some. Having said so, I like the book which has a good storyline, and is written with plenty of wit and humor. I noticed the author likes to call His Majesty “huang-san” (皇桑)instead of “huang shang” (皇上), (‘san’ as in ‘ojisan’) which I thought was rather funny.

    The first half was easy to read. There were 2 murders and plenty of narrow escapes for our heroine Tian Qi, a fake eunuch. She LOVES money and when she was sobbing over her loss one day – her latest mistress has just died so there goes her savings used to become her servant – when the Emperor (Ji Heng) dropped by. He mistook her grief to be the mark of a loyal servant and transferred her to Qian Qing Palace to work for him. Ji Heng then found himself unwillingly drawn to his new servant and started his epic struggle to remain straight or deflect over to the dark side. Ha.ha.

    I like the story so much initially that I thought I may want to translate it. Until I got to the middle and then I was like – no way am I going to translate all these steamy stuff! And there were plenty of mention! All are actually quite mild but I did blink when a dildo appeared on screen. I’m not joking. Not only is there a dildo in this era, it can even be temperature-controlled which I thought was rather inventive.

    Anyway to get back to “Your Majesty, Please Stay Calm”, the plot visibly dragged after the half-way mark. Near the 75% mark, I was considering to skip pages but I held on to finish the mystery surrounding the death of Tian Qi’s parents. The side characters were interesting although they exist mainly to move the story along. I’ll give them a brief mention here without spoiling too much of the story:

    Wang Meng:- Tian Qi’s friend, a fellow eunuch who was very talented in differentiating medical herbs. He helped Tian Qi through some tough spots and in return, Tian Qi helped him pursue his dreams of becoming a physician.

    Ji Ru Yi:- Ji Heng’s only son. His mother died when he was very young and his grandmother looks after him currently. He loves playing with Tian Qi and Dai San Shan.

    Dai San Shan:- Royal Tortoise. He has a tendency to bite people besides Tian Qi and Ru Yi.

    Prince Qi/Ji Zheng:- Ji Heng’s younger brother. His mother tried to make him the Crown Prince when he was young, but failed and died. With the throne between them, both brothers were wary of each other. He also fell for Tian Qi but was destined to be the unloved, second lead.

    Imperial Concubines:- There were 4 of them – De, Shu, Kang, and Shun. All wanted to become Empress and were not above using a few tricks to achieve their aim.

    Overall, I would recommend this book since the beginning was rather interesting. To continue or not after the 75% mark, I’ll leave it to the reader.

  2. Peanuts
    Peanuts August 21, 2014 at 4:06 am |

    Thanks MB for the recommendation & write up. You and your sis are truly Little 7’s fans, lol. This is the book Ding Mo was chasing while she was writing Our Best Years so I am sure it is good. I am also fond of Little 7 and he has quite a lot of fans here. Lidge told me Little 7 may be a guy & she wants to marry him, lol. However, nearly all his books start off good but will drag towards the end so I’ve not managed to finish any yet due to my impatient nature, lol. I feel all his books are good except Heavy Taste so I’ll give this a shot when I’ve time.

  3. Luna
    Luna August 21, 2014 at 7:25 am |

    Thanks for the review. This book sounds interesting. How long until the male lead found out that Tian Qi was a girl? It’s inevitable as an emperor to have many wifes, but I just don’t like the male lead with many wifes.. Sigh..

  4. Snow Berries
    Snow Berries August 21, 2014 at 7:41 am |

    I am his fan too…he is the first MALE c-novel author I come across. Love his wit ,humour and pacing… But I agree his modern story are more consistent than his ancient one…Same issue with Fix Smile order. FYI, Tang qi, Ji Heng and ruyi make a guest appearance for about 3 chapters in FSO…thanks MoonBlosson for putting up this book

  5. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom August 21, 2014 at 8:59 am |

    Thanks for the review. This book sounds interesting. How long untilthe male lead found out that Tian Qi was a girl? It’s inevitable as an emperor to have many wifes, but I just don’t like the male lead with many wifes.. Sigh..

    Luckily she was his last woman. He only confirmed that ‘he’ was ‘she’ at chapter 67, then he literally went roof-hopping crazy because deep down, he really doesn’t want to be gay. My god, I can’t believe it dragged until chapter 67…. the book has 104 chapters.

  6. decembi
    decembi August 21, 2014 at 9:38 am |

    HAHAHAHA! Oh my, Moonblossom, you don’t know how surprised I am that you posted it. For a moment, I thought it was Hui’er. Hui’er recommended this to me a few weeks ago and I read it in one zip to chapter 67 and dumped it after. HAHA. It’s very funny till the part where the Emperor finds out the eunuch is actually a female, but after that, it’s quite painfully draggy. It’s also quite yellow!!! So beware.

  7. hui3r
    hui3r August 21, 2014 at 9:44 am |

    Yes – this book is super yellow. D: D: A lot of meat.

    Although the emperor’s “am-i-gay-not-gay” suffering is damn good stuff – and how he is so horrified that he is attracted to a eunuch. And his reaction when he found out that his eunuch is NOT a eunuch after all. Hahahaha.

    I confess. I read until she comes clean as a girl to everyone. THen I dropped it and sped off to the last chapter.

  8. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom August 21, 2014 at 9:56 am |

    This may be superfluous but you (both Hui3r & decembi) did not miss much. Just one more loop surrounding the death of her parents and how Ji Zheng got the Empress Dowager to be his matchmaker to marry Tian Qi, which got Ji Heng hopping mad as expected, before the happily-ever-after.

    She finally found her parents and buried them but her brother corpse is not among the pile of bones. I suspect her brother is not dead and I’m going to read Tiao XIao Ling to find out if he is going to appear there.

  9. Peanuts
    Peanuts August 21, 2014 at 10:36 am |

    Hello everyone, I need to claim the credit to be the first to recommend this to everyone lol. Decembi, I still have a copy of my email to you a few mths ago:P MB, I asked you if the book Snow Berries wanna post is this book. Hui3r, you asked me for book recommendation & I suggested this book bcos I know you like this type of book. Oops, I blurt out your secret lol. What I mean is that Hui3r likes to read abt emperor and his harem plus others, lol. Personally, I don’t like to read palace novels. Yes, I don’t like plenty of novels bcos I am choosy & has short attention span:P I only like Bosses in the novel:P

  10. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom August 21, 2014 at 11:13 am |

    Thank you Peanuts, for all the behind-the-scenes action which resulted in this book recommendation!

  11. Peanuts
    Peanuts August 21, 2014 at 12:02 pm |

    Actually hui3r finished this book quite a while ago & I asked her to post it here. But as usual, she only wants to lurk around here:P I should probably ban her from here until she starts to contribute, lol.

    Out of curiosity, he didn’t know the female lead is a girl so how can there be yellow meat in the first 67 chapters? I may marathon them this weekend but only until chapter 67 lol.

  12. cloudandsea
    cloudandsea August 21, 2014 at 3:50 pm |

    Sounds like a funny book! Probably should start reading new stuff 😛

  13. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom August 22, 2014 at 3:24 am |

    Well yellow comes in all forms. It started with dreams before moving on to fantasies then reality. Once Ji Heng accepted that he likes Tian Qi, he did not shy away from physical intimacies, especially things that does not involve Tian Qi to remove her clothes since he was not ready to see what was under them as well. : )

    It was so cute. When he finally saw the real her, he was so happy he went roof-hopping and shouted to the heavens that he is not gay. Result: the hot topic of conversation over the next few days were commers talking of this red-robe ghost who appeared on their roofs claiming that he is not gay.

    Actually hui3r finished this book quite a while ago & I asked her to post it here. But as usual, she only wants to lurk around here:P I should probably ban her from here until she starts to contribute, lol.

    Out of curiosity, he didn’t know the female lead is a girl so how can there be yellow meat in the first 67 chapters? I may marathon them this weekend but only until chapter 67 lol.

  14. Hanny
    Hanny August 26, 2014 at 5:01 pm |

    Moonblossom your review make me want to read ,i just hope i’m survive google translate so many chapters lol.

  15. dramasbooksandtea
    dramasbooksandtea September 7, 2014 at 4:22 pm |

    Hi everybody 🙂

    I’m been lurking around this site and this is the first time I’m commenting >..<

    Oh no my comment got cut off previously! 🙁 Okay 🙁

    Anyway, I was saying that I thought the book was a pretty breezy read, and the last part which was draggy didn’t really bother me that much. I was, however, bothered by the fact that the second male lead made some really questionable decisions nearing the end, which didn’t seem like things he would do based on how he was characterized in the first half of the novel. And I thought it was odd how he didn’t seem to mind that he was gay at all (no struggle like the main lead ? o.o)

    Anyway, I thought the book was plenty funny 😀 And I’m glad that there are always good recommendations here, because the chinese books I pick by myself tend to be duds 🙁

  16. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom September 8, 2014 at 2:13 pm |

    If you like this book, you can try his other books as well. I just finished “The Empress is Not Virtuous” (皇后无德) and I enjoyed it too It is not as funny as “Your Majesty, Please Stay Calm” but I thought the journey of how the OTP fell in love was very sweet. And his latest book 调笑令 is completed too, so it is another potential read.

  17. dramasbooksandtea
    dramasbooksandtea September 10, 2014 at 4:39 am |

    Thanks for the recommendations!! I’ll check it out when I’m free ^^ Right now I’m reading a Chinese novel about an online game (江湖遍地卖装备). I do prefer a more serious tone in period novels though! I think it’s because I’m used to period novels being written by the likes of Tong Hua and Tang Qi Gong Zi (hehe). So I’ll most likely check out 调笑令 first! ^^

  18. Moonblossom
    Moonblossom September 10, 2014 at 5:43 am |

    Hi dramabooksandtea, this is definately not a serious book, it is quite funny in fact. i have not check out 调笑令 (saving it to read it in Nov!) but that, and 皇后无德 seems to match your bill better. The first part is a remake of 甄缓传 so there are plenty of plots, backstabbing, etc, although the tone of the whole book is still pretty light-hearted.

  19. Peanuts
    Peanuts September 23, 2014 at 9:36 am |

    I took 3 weeks to finish this long & draggy book:( In the end the mystery was not resolved to my satisfaction. The king is portrayed as too lovesick & lecherous, lol. Nonetheless, it is still a funny & entertaining book. I can’t help laughing out loud when Tian Qi kept on saying the king is BT or is mentally ill, lol. Also, when the king confiscated all her money to prevent her fr running away, haha…Ru Yi is also very cute, competing with daddy for TQ’s love:P

    Btw, lidge is wrong. I can now confirm Little 7, the author is a woman bcos she said she was not feeling well on a particular day bcos her aunt came. Also, she admitted her plot & writing skill have plenty of room for improvement. She told the readers not to expect her to write like Gu Man.

  20. Rinri
    Rinri January 11, 2016 at 6:12 pm |

    The audiobook is incomplete, but here is one version:

  21. Jace
    Jace January 28, 2016 at 1:30 am |

    My first time posting – as a newbie and just started listening to the audiobooks

    And must say a big thank you for the audiobook link!

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!

    I wait on pins and needles for the new chapters to be posted everyday – its only at chapter 53 and I have been laughing so much while staring into space my BF thinks I’m crazy. Mandarin is my third language so it takes more focus while listening.

    I really gotta learn how to read Chinese though. Just to read all the books that are recommended!

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